| "Were
we
all
like
the
Sawhorse,
we
would
all
be
Sawhorses,
which
would
be
too
many
of
the
kind.
Were
we
all
like
Hank,
we
would
be a
herd
of
mules;
if
like
Toto,
we
would
be
a pack
of
dogs;
should
we
all
become
the
shape
of
the
Woozy,
he
would
no
longer
be
remarkable
for
his
unusual
appearance.
Finally,
were
you
all
like
me,
I would
consider
you
so
common
that
I would
not
care
to
associate
with
you.
To
be individual,
my
friends,
to
be
different
from
others,
is
the
only
way
to become
distinguished
from
the
common
herd.
Let
us
be
glad,
therefore,
that
we
differ
from
one
another
in
form
and
in
disposition.
Variety
is the
spice
of
life,
and
we
are
various
enough
to
enjoy
one
another's
society; so
let
us
be
content."
--
The
Cowardly
Lion
in
"The
Lost
Princess of
Oz"
By
F.
L.
Baum
I am proud of who I am. I am proud to be different. I am
proud to be a lesbian - not because it makes me better or different - but because I am proud to be who I am and prroud to not feel as if I have to hide a big part of my identity just to satisfy a heterosexually oriented society.
 |
I grew up always knowing that something about me was different but
I was never able to put my finger on it. I never felt a part of any
group, never felt like I was one of the others. There was this
constant knowledge of being different from most others but the inability
to figure out WHY I felt that way. While I am still not sure where
this feeling comes from (and up to this day it's still there), I strongly believe
that being a lesbian is part the reason.
I was seven years old when I had my first crush on another girl. We lived in an
apartment building and she lived upstairs. We used to play "house" amd one day we
undressed and got into her bed - naked. She laid down on top of me and said that
this is what adults to have babies. I felt strange and it felt wrong because I
knew my parents would not approve of this "game", but I also liked how her skin
felt so close to mine. I remember not wanting that moment to stop and I remember
hoping we would play house many more times.
Feelings for women and sexual fantasies were common all though my teenage years.
If any of my old friends reads this: NO, I did not have sexual fantasies about any and
all of you - just some of you.
In my late twenties I started to acknowledge the feelings I had for other
women and, finally, at 30 I came out.
Why did it take me so long? While I had repeatedly crushes on other
girls/women, I never really thought about where they came from, why I had
them - until I met a woman that I fell in love with. I couldn't stop
thinking of her and couldn't understand why, but I longed for her and wanted
to kiss her and touch her. From there it was another 3 long years before finally
coming out of the closet. Those were three very long and painful years, full of
inner struggle and questioning myself, my whole life. I felt as if I had lived
a lie for my entire life and that I really didn't know myself. Things started
to fall apart. With the help of a wonderful therapist (Thank you Robyn)
I made it through that time. It's not that I talked with her about it all the
time, but just knowing that I could was incredibly helpful. Knowing that there
was someone who accepted me and my new-found identity without questioning it
or me - it was the best that could happen to me at that time.
The woman that opened my eyes and I were never a couple but she is
to this day a wonderful friend and I thank her for opening my eyes and
my heart to who I am. Thank you FL. |
| I came out to all people that I care about. Coming
out to my dad was the hardest and when I realized that I couldn't do it,
I asked his girlfriend for help. He now knows and he is fine with
it as he should be. He said he is happy, as long as I am happy.
While it's not important who I date, who I sleep with - I do think,
however, that in order to let people in and give them a chance to really
know ME for ME, they need to know everything. Being a lesbian is
a big part of what makes me - and everybody that is close to me deserves
to know, especially since I will not hide it when I am around them.
In my opinion, coming out is an act of love and it is also very liberating.
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| Email |
copyright 2007 Suzanne Dawson
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